Why Dating A Married Man Is Not A Good Idea

As you know from my previous post, I've started dating again after my breakup back in February.

Meeting men online is easy, but before I meet anyone of them face-to-face, they need to pass my correspondence test:

• If their spelling and grammar is bad, or they can only string a few words together in a message using "txt spk", then I'm not interested.
• Contents of their messages is also key - being polite, open and expressing compassion and genuine interest are important indications to whether these men are honest and worth meeting in person.
• And then of course, their reliability is reflected in how quickly they reply and how often and regularly they get in touch.

So, I've been dating one of these men, who passed my initial test, and I have really enjoyed my time with him.

Nothing more than holding hands and the odd kiss happened, as I was still figuring him out. And to get to know him better, I decided to visit him at his house for a cup of afternoon tea.

So glad I did. As soon as I walked into his living room, I knew he was still married and living with his family. Rather than being worried about falling into the hands of a serial killer, I nearly fell for a married man, a cheat.

He quickly admitted that he was lying on his dating profile, and also added that he was so unhappy in his marriage.

Thank the Gods I wasn't in love with him. I can only imagine the terrible dilemma women must be facing in this position being hopelessly in love with such a man.

Of course, the most sensible thing to do is to walk away from such a relationship before it's even started, and trust me, I've already turned my back on it for the following reasons:

• I don't want to be the "other woman" he can play around with
• his family will always come first (quite rightly so), and he could dump me at any moment
• I don't want to be a home wrecker and hurt innocent people (his family) in the process
• he will never leave his family, and I would never want that anyway
• I want a genuine, honest relationship with no secrets like that

Rather than blowing my top because of his deceit, I advised him to have a chat with his wife and start sorting out his marriage. He certainly won't find a solution for his marital issues in my bed.

This has also made me wonder, how to spot a married man on a dating website. Here's what I've noticed:

• they are looking for "casual relationship" as well as "serious relationship". That's a suspicious contradiction; you either want something casual or something serious. If you're serious, you don't want anything casual.
• they like to contact women, who live further away, as they want to keep the affair as far away from their home as possible.
• they don't tend to put many photos of themselves on the dating website out of fear they could be recognised by someone, who knows them

So, girlfriend, be careful out there. Don't even consider becoming a mistress and emotionally vulnerable to the whims of a man, who cheats on his wife. 

You deserve so much better.

Have you ever been involved with a married man? Share your story. I'd love to hear from you.

Good Read!

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.” 

― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil


“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone, and that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that love.”
― Anirban Bose, Bombay Rains, Bombay Girls


“A love affair is like a short story--it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning was easy, the middle might drag, invaded by commonplace, but the end, instead of being decisive and well knit with that element of revelatory surprise as a well-written story should be, it usually dissipated in a succession of messy and humiliating anticlimaxes.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald